Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize