No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
