So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
