i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
