So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
please don't ironically join a cult
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