Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
