i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
