ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
