Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
