Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
