i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the condom got lost in my hair
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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