why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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