Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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