You made me cry and you don't even care
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
