The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
