how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize