His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
