Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
