If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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