New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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