Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I AM VODKA MAN
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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