i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
