Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
