it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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