Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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