I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize