U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
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