Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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