peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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