i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
