OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
