gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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