dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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