Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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