Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
