As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize