btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
