...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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