the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Randomize
