he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
