I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
