Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
