I hope mine doesn't look like that
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
