my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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