it wasn't lemon gatorade
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
