i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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