Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
