Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
