Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize