First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
