Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
