No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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