Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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