Christians are straight up FREAKS
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
