apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize