okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
