The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
