I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
i need some magic done to my vagina
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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