My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
