We're like a lot better than the average bears
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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