just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
