Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
