I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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