the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
