I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize