I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
