cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
