We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
