remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
