You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
