Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize