I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm always down for nudity.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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