a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
