I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
