so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
