"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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