Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
