apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bring me that man meat
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
