The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
this just has baby written all over it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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