it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
