I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My breasts were aching with rage.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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