You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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