Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
