even my farts smell like vagina
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
