god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
