There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
