What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
