Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
