my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Dicks are not precious.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
