I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
