It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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