did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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