I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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