Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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