And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
