he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
