can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
