the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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