Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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