i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
