I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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