Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
